05/16/10 by Vibhuti Jaya | chronicle | No Comments »
Herstory – Part 1
The year was 1996, a dark period of inertia"the tendency to resist motion, exertion or change". My days were laced with conflict, grief and depression"a psycho-emotional condition marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies". I looked down at the dial between my feet and the infernal numbers said two-six-zero (2-6-0). I am female, and only five (5) feet, two (2) inches tall, so as you might imagine, that wasn’t an ideal or healthy weight"a measure of the heaviness of a person" for my body. “It is really time to do something“, I thought to myself with an odd combination of panic, horror and resolve. Shortly after"following in time, later" that 
eye-opening encounter with the scale, I did actually do that something—and it changed my life forever.
Before"at an earlier time, previously" I go on to the rest of the story, I want to go on record saying that I am eternally grateful for the place where I work. If it were not for the sheer serendipity of being in the right place at the right time, the amazing things that followed might never have happened. My place of employment provided me with access to a tiny gym, where I began my daily rendez-vous with the Stairmaster. Our institution’s leadership has forged a culture that promotes physical fitness as a means to achieve well-being. They believe that this is one of the keys to the attainment of overall wellness. Their holistic philosophy is that both the individual, and the collective benefit when self-care"any activity of an individual, family or community, with the intention of improving or restoring health, or treating or preventing disease" is made a priority. For this, we are very lucky. That kind of support was an incredible boon to me (and it still is today).
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05/12/10 by Vibhuti Jaya | chronicle | No Comments »
Herstory – Part 4
The year was 2004, and it was a time of powerful shifts and deep study. I trekked off to The Windy City (Chicago, IL) in the middle of a nineteen degree winter for yet another yoga teacher training. I ate raw broccoli, walked the streets and bathed in Aveeno to soothe my wind-chapped, oversized thighs.
I read Audrey Niffenegger’s The Time Traveler’s Wife, and wondered if I would die of shame"a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety" in those crowded classes, completely surrounded by perfect"being entirely without fault or defect, flawelss", glistening, head-standing, urban yogis. I was out manned, and feeling out classed, as I studied how to teach Fluid Power Vinyasa yoga. The flaxen haired goddess of the commercial yoga scene, Shiva Rea was my guide. (Undulate!)
There, I fell in love with what she called “The Bhairava”. We read from it in the afternoons and I was just seduced by its beauty and passion. Coincidentally, I am actually re-reading it now, and I’m tweeting about its contents on twitter these days. More formally, it is known as the Sri Vijnana Bhairava Tantra, (by Swami Satyasangananda Saraswati) and it is now my very favorite translation of one of India’s ancient texts.
Six (6) days and thousands of Surya Namaskars later, I went astoundingly deep, feeling my first spontaneous posture flow and seeing startling images in my mind’s eye during savasana. I had a completely transpersonal"is concerned with the study of consciousness, phenomenon, peak human potential, and bridging the spiritual with modern psychological theory" / transcendent, exceptional human experience [EHE] on the floor of Moksha Yoga’s Riverwest studio that would later motivate me to 1). Question my grasp of reality and 2). Embark upon a spiritual quest for answers.
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05/10/10 by Vibhuti Jaya | blog | 4 Comments »
Shame"a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety". Shyness"implies a timid reserve and a shrinking from familiarity or contact with others; disposed to avoid a person or thing". These two share the opening consonants uttered by sound conscious librarians everywhere (shhhhh!), but that’s not all they share. Both my shame and my shyness are connected to hiding. They are each associated with an aversion to being seen. More dangerously, they both have the power to prevent me from showing up.
Shame is an intriguing phenomenon that plays a pretty big part in the negative body image/eating disorders/obesity arena. Body shame in particular connects us to a never-ending cycle of comparison, dissatisfaction, and often a relentless pursuit of the perfect"being entirely without fault or defect, flawelss" body ideal. Interestingly, it can also be a set-up for a vortex of depression"a psycho-emotional condition marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies", binge-eating, self-loathing and then more depression. Read more →
